


To the boy I've loved before

by some_kind_of_name



Category: Fury (2014)
Genre: All about sunshines and rainbows here, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Character Study, Gen, M/M, Pre-war/Post-war, Retrospective, happy endings, i mean almost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24322240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/some_kind_of_name/pseuds/some_kind_of_name
Summary: The people who marked us the most never completely leave our mind. They can also define who we are destined to be, or to love.
Relationships: Don "Wardaddy" Collier/Norman "Machine" Ellison
Kudos: 18





	To the boy I've loved before

**Author's Note:**

> I'M ALIVE!  
> No joke, I haven't been able to finish anything in a year. It almost feels like quarantine times pushed me to be productive and I really want to get back on writing, as I still have many other stories to work on. I will go back and correct the little mistakes that I missed during my first correction round soon. Hope you'll like it, as always!
> 
> *I just noticed the backstory and timeline are different from the ones in Timeless. Maybe one day I will edit it so it fits in the same universe.*

Norman remembered his first love. He was called Lawrence, the sweet neighbor's son he used to play with when they were both kids. Larry had always been kind to him in such an authentic way, quickly becoming his best and only friend. The boy defended him from the bullies in middle school, even if he was only an inch taller than him, actually. It had always made Norman laugh. After his mother passed away when he was 10 and his father started to drink, Lawrence was the last thing he felt like he could hold on to. He had always been a lonely child, as most kids used to call him awkward and didn’t want to play with him.

When they grew up and started high-school, his precious friend was still by his side. At this time, he still didn't know what love was, but looking back on those years, his crush was clearly obvious. He liked the flawless of Lawrence's red hair, the soft features of his face and even the way he smiled only from the left corner of his mouth; everything about this guy, actually. They were always sweet on one another, spending hours talking about their crazy visions of the future or simply staying in silence and sharing the same thoughts while looking at the clouds in the summer sky. Life was always better with his foxy friend. He was his everything, the best thing he’d ever known.

Norman only got drunk once in his life. The biggest mistake he ever made. It was during their New Year celebration of 1943. The reception hall was crowded with teenagers dancing and drinking. The night was cold and the clock kept coming closer to midnight. There was no way Norman could deny it: he was drunk. His body could not deal with the alcohol right and after two beers only, he had already lost control of his head, leading him to take down more and more booze without even flinching. Nobody ever held him back though, everybody was probably having way too much fun at watching the shiest kid of the school wrecking himself in such a way. So, here they were, Lawrence and him, fooling around in the middle of the crowd. The boys' jackets had been thrown away at some time in the party and their shirts were soaked with beer from a recent rampage. They were almost hugging each other at this point. Then, a stupidly dangerous idea crossed the teen's mind. 

''Hey, Larry! Wanna know somethin'?'' His voice was thick and slurred because of the alcohol, but he didn't mind the slightest. He grabbed his friend's shoulder the bring himself closer, his own chest almost rubbing against his. ''I think you're goddamn sexy t'night.''

His words were almost a whisper before his twisted his hand into Larry's wet hair and pulled the young man into a lips-bruising kiss. It didn't take long for him to shove Norman away, the strength of the act knocking him against a table with a loud crash. 

''What you think you’re DOING?!''

A horrible silence abruptly fell over the room, all eyes turned toward the two guys in a mix of shock, judgement and disgust. It sent like a freezing wave in Norman's mind, cold and painful enough to bring him back to reality for a moment. He stared at his best friend in silence, trying to splutter something but finding nothing coming out of his mouth. What had he done?

''I'm...I'm sorry...'' the young man leaned against the table to steady himself as he stood hesitantly, like he was taming a wild beast. 

''Don't touch me EVER AGAIN, you FREAK! YOU HEAR?!'' Lawrence yelled. Tears seemed to come to his eyes briefly but he quickly shoved it down. He looked mad, insulted and... scared. Scared of his own best friend. The crowd started whispering and mumbling, still staring at the scene in disbelief. 

''But...'' Norman tried again, his eyes wet of sour tears.

''Just go away.'' Larry's voice was barely more than a whisper now. ''I don't wanna see you no more.'' 

The young men shared a long and last look, pain shattering their hearts but without any of them having the strength to say anything else. Norman broke the eye contact first. He slowly turned around, then urged toward the exit unsteadily. The cold pierced through his body like hundreds of little daggers. The teenager fell onto his knees in the snow, his arms wrapped around his chest as he desperatly tried to breathe. He had just witnessed his best friend, his only comrade and greatest love of ten years, vanish like the scent of flowers getting lost in the wind. And he was the one who caused this. He felt both guilty and so, so much betrayed. After a few minutes, the clock hit midnight. Norman let out the worst of the screams of distress, the voice of his broken heart mixing with the singular cheer that fused from the crowd inside.

After that, he promised himself to never touch a single drop of alcohol again. He never talked to Lawrence again, and Lawrence never talked to him. He became a shadow in the eyes of everybody and started skipping classes to avoid the bullies that seemed to gain in number everyday. When he unexpectedly graduated, he didn't even go his prom ball. He just wished to disappear for good. Hopefully, there was another war going on at the moment, aside from his own.

* * *

  
Don knew he wasn’t a wanted child. He knew he was nothing more than a poor attempt from his mother to save her marriage. He could hardly blame her for that, even though he would never understand why she wanted so much to stay with him, except maybe being stubborn as hell. Mr.Collier may looked like a respectable man at the first sight, but an eagle eye wasn’t required to realize how rotten his inside was. Selfish, cold and close-minded, he was a man only living for the ideal of a pride he didn’t have nor deserve. And his wife was the prettiest woman in town, after all. Mrs. Collier, Erika she was called, a young lady in the edge of her twenties freshly arriving from Germany to study in medicine. They fell in love, then the passion faded away, just as Erika was becoming pregnant.   
Since he was a baby, people used to praise about how much Don looked like his mother, how they had the same stormy blue eyes and thick, dark blond hair. It was enough to reassure the Collier. At least they were stuck together by a pretty burden. A grumpy, moody one, but a pretty one. 

Don learned how to take care of himself quickly. He wasn’t scared of the outside world. The other kids tried to pick on him the first days of school by saying that he was dumb because he kept mixing English and German when he talked. It didn’t last long though, as Don was not someone to fool with. A couple of shiners and foreign curses later, he was one of the most respected kid in the neighborhood, a reputation that would follow him all the way to his high-school graduation.

The arrival of little Norman in the family was unexpected. Don never thought he would enjoy having a little brother. He didn’t want siblings and even less a baby that spent his nights and days crying his lungs out. His mother told him many times to be patient, that one day, they would get to know each other better, even to like each other, maybe. She also never missed a chance to remind him how terrible of a baby he had been himself whenever he started complaining.  
And she was right. By the moment little Norman learned to talk, Don had grew overly protective toward him, deciding to take him in charge as he witnessed his family falling into pieces. He taught him how to take care of the animals on the farm, how to ride a horse or to make a correct sandwich. When they got older, Norman a teenager and Don now a young adult, they used to saddle up their horses and go on fishing trips every Sunday after the church. By that time, Don realized how much he disliked being alone. Of course, it was before he screwed up everything.

The burnt of alcohol was something Don would never get tired off as a young man. That said, he was never a nice drunk. Every now and then he would hang out with a couple of friends in the nearest bar, where he would drink shot after shot until the fire in his blood was screaming to be released. Then he would fight anybody who dared to look at him the wrong way. If they were still lucid, his friends would probably hate him for being such a bastard, but most of the time they we too knocked out themselves to restrain him.   
This evening however was different. Don was only half-way through his third drink of the night when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

‘’Brother? Hey, brother, it’s time to go.’’

The elder looked down at his little brother with a frown on his face. ‘’Da fuck you doin’ here?’’ He slurred harshly.

Norman sighed. ‘’Ma and Pa want you back. Now come on, we’re going home.’’

Don considered the teenager for a long time. His pale blond hair was sticking to his face and he looked damp. The storm outside was visibly still raging. After a while, the young man finally let out a loud sigh and picked up his coat. Not that he cared about his parents’ wishes, but he didn’t want his little brother to stay in that bar any longer, or to suffer from his father's anger if he came back with empty hands. 

‘’Alright... but ya don’t have a driver license.’’

‘’Even without a license, I’m still a better driver than you.’’ Norman snapped back.

Don let himself being dragged out of the bar reluctantly and sat in the passenger seat of the truck. Dizziness began to get him once he was sitting and he dropped his head against the car’s window with a groan. Norman joined him in the driver’s seat and started the engine. The ride back home was quiet, drowned in an upset silence. Large raindrops hit the vehicle steadily, blurring the view of the road. Norman suddenly said on a both hard and concerned tone,

‘’Father was real pissed. You know what happens when he’s like that…’’

‘’I sure do.’’ Don grumbled. Their father wasn’t what we could call a gentleman in his downtime. In fact, he probably never was.

‘’You should really stop doing that. It’s hard for Mom, you know. She’s really worried about you ending up in jail or somethin’.’’ A strange shadow darkened the teen’s features. ‘’Not that you really care about her anyway, but-‘’

It made Don turn square on his seat. He looked at his brother, his eyes like steel under his messy strands of dirty blond hair.

‘’Shut up! Don’t you dare saying that to me, you don’t even know what you’re talkin’ about!’’

‘’What? Don’t tell me you love her, you spend your time running away an’ being an asshole to her!’’

‘’I won’t take care of someone who wasn’t even able to raise me.’’

Norman looked at the elder with a look full of hate, barely looking at the road ahead.

‘’Screw you brother! One day you’ll end up in prison or in the street and I won’t be there to get you out of your troubles!’’ 

‘’You aren’t my babysitter so shut the hell up!’’

‘’You shut up!’’

Something bright caught Don’s attention.

‘’Norman…’’

‘’Heartless bastard!’’

‘’Look out!’’

‘’Wha-‘’

Norman never finished his sentence. If they weren’t that busy bickering, maybe he would have noticed the car coming in the opposite direction and slipping on the wet asphalt, right in their way. 

Don barely had the time to register what was happening. He’d seen the vehicle coming, then time seemed to stop and he suddenly felt like flying. The shock was enough to knock him out when they touched the ground again and he collided with something hard. A loud crack sounded close to his ear.   
When he went back to himself, the first thing he felt was the cold of the wet ground under him and a horrible feeling of burn running over his back and face. Everything was blurry around him. There was an unceasing ringing piercing his eardrums, a terrifying feeling of heaviness in his body that kept him from moving. Blue and red lights flashed before his eyes. He could hear people running around and yelling above him, but couldn’t bring himself to move even a finger. Multiple faces hovered over Don. They looked like paramedics, at least that’s what he told himself because his vision was getting more and more blurry as the seconds passed. He felt like there was acid dripping all over his features and down his back. The man barely felt the insisting touch of two fingers pressing against his sore throat, almost choking him. He hadn’t realized yet how badly he was wheezing, desperate for air but too knocked out to even fight for it. 

‘’He’s alive, but he might not make it to the hospital. Take him, quick!’’

It’s the last thing Don heard before everything went black and he passed out in the men’s arms, despite their voices asking him repeatedly to stay awake.

He learned three months later, when he woke up from coma at the hospital, that Norman had his neck broken in the accident. Killed on the spot, quick and painless, unlike him. It didn’t keep Don from hurting though. During the weeks that followed, he lost everything; his friends, his dignity and his own will to live. Norman did not deserve what happen that night. It should have been him instead. Death would have been preferable to enduring the ghost pain of his burns that prevented him from sleeping and had messed up his face . When the war started and the judge told him to go die for his country, he didn’t say anything. If many saw evil in the weak grin on Don’s lips when he heard his sentence, it was in fact a thankful one.  
  


* * *

Life was ironic. They finally survived the war. How, nobody know, but they did. A lot of things had changed when the crew returned home. Grady was now an uncle, Boyd’s son wasn’t a toddler anymore and Gordo’s girlfriend decided to adopt a dog. Norman learned that Lawrence had left Pittsburgh two months ago with their childhood friend Mary-Sue. Though he said he didn’t care about it, he couldn’t help his heart from pinching at the thought. He’d send many letters to Mary during his duty, but she never replied. Now at least, he knew why.   
He moved to Don’s place not too long after, in the beautiful countryside of Minnesota. Local people were flabbergasted to see Collier back after all these years, and even more by the young man now living by his side. Suspicions soon started to appear around the town, but they didn’t care. Life wasn’t and wouldn’t always be easy, but it was not about to keep them from being happy together. Who could have thought that war was a place to find love? Certainly not Don. Still, there he was, five years later, getting on one knee in their backyard where nobody could see them and proposing to the man of his heart, even though he knew they didn’t even have the right to legally get married. 

These were the thoughts that ran through Norman’s head as he stared at his reflection in the bedroom’s mirror. Today was the big day, the one where he would bond his life to his lover’s and abandon the last name of Ellison to become a Collier for good. Boyd had been kind enough to accept leading the ceremony. There wasn’t many people attending it, and it was okay like that. The boys would be there, along with some close friends from the war days.  
Norman was adjusting the vest of his tuxedo when the doorbell started ringing. He didn’t pay that much attention as he heard footsteps in the corridor. 

‘’Norman, there’s someone for you!’’ Ruby’s voice suddenly called from the lobby. 

The young man frowned slightly and exited the bedroom. He greeted Boyd’s wife while she praised about how good he looked in his wedding suit, and went at the door. But it wasn’t what he expected.

Lawrence jolted slightly when the door opened again. They both looked at each other for long. Too long. Norman’s mouth tighten into a thin line, his face cold as stone. 

‘’What are you doing here?’’ He asked on a dry tone. 

The redhead seemed to hesitate for a moment. He looked a lot different from the boy Machine used to know, back in 1940. His hair was slicked on the side and his beard had grown significantly. Ten years definitely changed a lot of things.

‘’Well… Mary and me, we’re going to her parent’s lake house and… I learned you lived here now so I thought we would come and see how you were doing.’’ Larry trampled on his spot nervously, seeing the absence of reaction from his past friend. ‘’We got married last year. She was really worried about you when we learned you’ve got drafted in Germany. You know-‘’

‘’Yeah, she sounded real concerned in those letters she never sent.’’ Norman took a step closer. ‘’She didn’t care. You neither. Cause if you did, you would have stopped me from going. Hell, what’s wrong with you? You hide from me for seven years and you think a quick stop by my place would make things go back the way they were? You screwed up, just deal with it.’’

The only thing preventing him from shutting the door and end this discussion was the sudden hand on his forearm. He tensed. Lawrence was looking at him with so much guilt in his eyes, like he really meant what he said. Maybe he did.

‘’Please, Norman. I’m sorry. We were kids and I was dumb and… I didn’t want to do that to you. It’s just… the others, you know. I was just starting to make friends and I didn’t want them to think… listen, I’m sorry, okay? You did not scare me. I was relieved to finally understand what was going on with you and I would’ve help you. I’ve been terribly stupid and I know it hurt you. All I’m asking is… can we just start over?’’

Norman didn’t know what to answer to that. He could hear the voice of his old friend in his monologue, just like the way he would talk to him when they were teenagers and they bickered over something. At this moment, no matter how much he wanted to keep hating him, he knew Larry was sincere. His throat was clenched as he slowly opened the door wide. The young man looked at his friend in the eyes for the first time since their reunion and said on a weak but honest voice,

‘’It’s okay.’’ He looked over the man’s shoulder and spotted a car parked in front of his house. If he focused he could see the silhouette of a woman retouching her makeup in the passenger seat. ‘’So Mary’s here?’’

‘’Oh, yeah, she-‘’

‘’It doesn’t matter, I don’t need to see her.’’

‘’You mean you don’t want to.’’

A small grin peaked on Norman’s face and he looked away. Even after ten years apart, they still know each other well. Lawrence smiled at his turn and motioned toward Ruby, who was getting things ready in the kitchen without paying much attention to the boys.

‘’So, is this _the lady_?’’

‘’What?’’ Norman nearly choked. ‘’No, she’s my friend’s wife!’’

It made Lawrence laugh and he frowned in an amused way. ‘’Then who are you marrying?’’ he asked with both curiosity and humor in his voice.

‘’My husband.’’

The answer silenced him. Norman didn’t even think about it twice before talking. People were not supposed to know about that, but the words just slipped off his tongue. He couldn’t say that he wasn’t enthusiastic about the idea. Larry hesitated.

‘’Oh. Okay… so you’re still…’’

‘’You expected otherwise?’’ Norman’s voice was warmer than before and had an almost teasing tone in it. It was already a start. 

‘’You know what? I don’t really care. You look happy… happier than before.’’

Norman smiled softly. ‘’And I am. Don, he’s… wonderful. You should see him, he’s a man like no others. He kinda looks like you, actually.''

''Certainly hope so.''

Don grinned as he heard soft laughter from the doorway. He fumbled unsuccessfully with his bow-tie, lips pursing in a skeptical way. He usually didn't struggle at tying ties, but his hands were trembling so much... it was almost frustrating to feel so nervous for such a thing. He was getting married, not going to the gallows. 

''Need some help with that, sweetheart?'' 

Don sighed silently, finally giving up and letting the older woman take care of it. Her delicate hands moved the silky fabric swiftly and fixed the bow-tie in no longer than five seconds. 

''Thanks, Ma.'' Don said on a low tone, a thin smile on his lips.

Erika looked up at him with that soft look she always wore, no matter the situation. She was surprised of how much her son had grown, the first time she saw him, in that train station in New-York after the war ended. Their reunion hadn't been the easiest. It took a couple of months before they fully put their grudges aside and let things come back pretty much like they should have been, before that goddamn car accident. 

''Your father could never tie his.'' Her English had gotten better during the last few years, but her German accent was still strong. Don didn't know why, but it comforted him in some way, like he was going back into childhood. ''To be honest, he couldn't do much thing at all.''

Collier knew the disgust his mother was carrying for his old man. A few months after Don was drafted, they finally got divorced, and finally after years of fighting, Erika was free. Alone, but free. Learning the news, Don let himself being convinced to go back to her, to apologize for all the troubles he'd gave her. It was what his brother would have wanted. They were quite close now, and she loved Norman right away, almost adopting him the minute they met. 

Don let out an upset laugh. ''It's dumb... but I'm scared shitless.''

It made Erika smiled and she cupped her son's face with her fine hands, staring right into the metallic hues of his blue irises. 

''Of course you're scared. You have always been afraid, Donovan. But instead of running away from it, you preferred to fight back. That's what makes you so strong. You got fire inside of you.''

''But what if it's a bad idea? What if I put him in danger by doing that?''

''Norman is a wise man, he'll take care of himself just fine. If he truly felt menaced by you, he wouldn't have said yes.'' Erika squeezed Don's broad shoulders affectionately. ''My grandmother used to tell me that it takes more courage to love than to go to war... and you've already been to war. Now, all you got to do is to trust what the future holds for you.''

''I don't deserve that. Not after all I've done.'' 

''Just because you had bad things happening doesn't mean you can't have a good life coming. Now come on, get ready, the big show is about to begin.''

Don smiled weakly and watched her go as she leaved the bathroom to go help the others outside. He was putting on his fancy black vest when he heard the front door shut, followed by what sounded like a sigh of relief. The man nearly followed his instinct to go out, but stopped himself when his hand grabbed the doorknob; he wasn't supposed to see the bride before the ceremony, after all. He knew it was Norman talking at the door, and that kind of sighs never came out of him for no reason. He just hoped he was okay. 

Collier's eyes fell one last time on the small picture leaning against the sink's mirror. His brother was looking good on this one, with his short blond hair blowing in the wind and that malicious smile on his lips. Norman was wearing his favorite coat, the one Don gave him for his 15th birthday; just one year before he passed away. He wondered what life would be, if he was still there. What would have happened, if the accident didn't happen, if he decided not to go drink that night, if he didn't provoke his father badly enough he needed to escape from the house? Those were questions Don would never have any answer for.   
When he first opened himself about it to Norman, Norman Ellison, he said that faith was something they could hardly change. Some things were simply meant to be. Maybe he was right. After all, if it wasn't for that car crash, these friends that were now his brothers wouldn't be here, just as much as he wouldn't be marrying his fiancé today.

The thought made Don chuckle. _His fiancé_. It still felt unreal to pronounce those words. And yet, even if it was only a dream, it was the best one he'd ever had. Maybe his brother truly was meant to teach him something, to convince him to change. And he did. It still felt unfair that he had to give up his life for it, but at least now, Norman's mission was fully completed.

''Thank you, brother.'' Don said softly. Blinking away the thin tears welling in his eyes, he put the photo in his jacket's pocket and exited the bathroom, ready to welcome a new Norman Collier in his life.

Aside from Timothy the golden retriever jumping on Grady to catch the bridal bouquet, throwing them both into the creek, the wedding went beautifully. Of course, taking in consideration the kind of guests attempting to the celebration, the night was filled with plenty of unexpected events. It was still the funniest evening most of them ever had, and the honeymoon was even better.

Three years later, Don and Norman adopted their first child, a beautiful daughter named Rosa. Meanwhile, Norman finished his studies and became a literature teacher in high-school; the only class in never skipped. In 1954 he published his first novel that would later become a best-seller. Don followed his dream to become a professional trainer and together, they built the biggest horse shelter in the state, specialized in the rehabilitation of military horses. 

Erika was right, in the end; life went on, and what a beautiful show it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Don's backstory was inspired by the deleted scene ''Rose'', which you can find on Youtube if you haven't seen it yet. For those who watched it, you noticed that I cut Rose's character out of the story. I just found she wasn't really important in this piece, but still found a way to put a tiny reference to her...did you find it?  
> And I have no idea how they managed to adopt as a homosexual couple in 1953... but hey, I said it was only sunshine and rainbows here, didn't I?


End file.
